she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
