She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
