Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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