I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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