Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
