I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is wine microwaveable?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
