i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
