she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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