Already got asked if we're dating
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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