the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
