Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize