; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
