Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
