At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
