Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
