Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
