Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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