The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
