If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
