Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
