My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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