I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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