I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
