my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
