You're my little dorito
I want to have your abortion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
