Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
