I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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