I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
