you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
