I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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