If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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