so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
