Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
