Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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