I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize