I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
