well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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