I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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