The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
