can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
