I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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