She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
