moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
