I got chris browned last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
