do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
