Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
