In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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