I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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