I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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