Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
