I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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