He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
