Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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