Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
