her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
