Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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