this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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