I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
