i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
