I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
