I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
