OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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