if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
