Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize