going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
