I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
