Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
