I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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